illuminate unspoken

All along

2011-12-14T14:00:00.001-08:00

I have been listening to Chris Tomlin this morning.
Hearing passionate requests that God come to America.
I have sung songs like this for most of my life. For some reason, this morning, while I understand the heart of what is being sung,
something about the paradigm behind what is being sung feels off to me this morning.
The truth is we have all that we need, and we never havent.
We have the love and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
God has never left.
The Spirit doesnt leave every time we do something He doesnt like.
His love and commitment have never changed toward his people.... whereever they are.
Really, we are where we are because under pressure, we have chosen to revert back to the thoughts and beliefs of our flesh... the realm of hopelessness, and unbelief.
But God is not mad at us. And while he is sad for the pain we have endured, He is not at all bothered, or undone. He knows who He is, and who we are, and what our inheritance is.
In truth, what we are really saying is " God we didnt know how to believe you. We didnt always listen, we let the ways of the world shape our expectations, and who we believe we are, and it feels like we are sinking down into a place where there seems to be no hope of getting closer to you again as a nation. Would you please in your un-ending kindness wash over us is a powerful wave of your Spirit and help us get back to seeing who you are, and who we are....help us clean out our spiritual ears, soften our easily distracted hearts, and fill us with the awareness that we are resting in Daddy's arms.
Open our eyes to see. You have been with us all along...longing to love us, and bless us...

Abide.

2011-03-15T15:39:00.001-07:00

After a very long season of being single, the Lord has, in His amazing and crafty way, given me the gift of a relationship.

We have been friends for a very long time, and I am amazed at how much depth that adds to my feelings of Love toward her.

When you have a foundation of understanding and insight as to what motivates someone, and how committed they are to things, it can help you to understand the actions they take. And in some cases, let go of the need to understand.

The word that God is showing me right now is "Abide".

What I am realizing about this word is that in many ways it describes a mindset that precedes experience, and even defines it.

To me, the definition of Abiding is becoming about how you view someone...what you believe about them. What you believe about someones character and motivations is a framework through which you interpret events and actions.

Abiding is becoming less about defining through the experience, and more about defining the experience through abiding.

Remembering that the Lord is gracious, kind, and for you is the difference between feeling abandoned, and knowing that you are on the verge of victory when things get tough. I think it is the same in relationships. You have to learn how to overcome your fears but acting in the opposite spirit which is faith.

One could argue that in earthly relationships you don't have the benefit of someone who is always steady, kind merciful and true. Which is correct, but in the long run you have to ask yourself which is the better risk... do you want to live in the fortress of expecting disappointment, telling yourself that you are protecting yourself from being hurt, or do you want to move out of the small fenced area of your life into the endless beauty of fulfilled hopes. One is to live eternally in the grey land of hope deferred, waiting for the landscape to show no signs of potential danger before you move (if you move at all), the other is to decide that in the end, you would rather be wrong, than to not have tried at all...and in many cases, it is the path to the tree of life that is desires fulfilled. And to be brutally honest, even if you are wrong, you will be better off that having not tried, as you will have set the foundations for choosing to risk love like God does.

The thing about fear is, it is counterfeit faith. It is based in conviction, and defines your actions. The strange thing is, if you have been given the gift of faith, fear can be even more dangerous if you don't know how powerful faith can be in changing the environment around you. If your firm conviction is that of betrayal, in many ways you will become the catalyst that brings that into your life by how you treat others. You will expect them to betray you, and you will inevitable treat them like they already have. It is a certain recipe for failure since no one wants to stay under that for long, and in the end may have to leave just to think straight again.

Abiding is a meditation. It is pondering the truth. It is seeing the best, and believing hope. Abiding in love, you believe all things, and hope all things. You see God clearer, and become a catalyst for change. You start being more willing to let others in, and you start to look alot more like Jesus...

2011-01-04T04:08:00.001-08:00

A friend asked me an interesting question tonight.

It was something along the lines of:

"Do you think that the model Jesus set out for us includes Church as it is practiced today?"

I gather from additional comments that she and her family are considering no longer going to a standard institutional Church with "members" and a "pastor", and are drawn to the idea of being involved in a home church, or in more community centered Christian life.

She paid me the compliment of saying that she valued my opinion, and what did I think?

Well the question sparked alot of thoughts that have up until now resembled ping-pong balls in a metal walled room. But I feel some semblance of cohesiveness beginning to emerge...

So here goes.

"Do you think that the model Jesus set out for us includes Church as it is practiced today?" (So loaded!!)

No. But to be honest, the thing that grates me most is the word "model" itself. I feel that it presupposes so much, and leads to religion. But that is my deal.

The more poignant question that I have is why do we need to be sure that this "model" is wrong, and this "model" is right before we are willing to take a risk and follow conviction?

Truthfully, I think she already knows what she is going to do. If the question is that developed, then the choice is to maintain the status-quo is already nearly impossible.

In a broader sense, I am excited about this. But then, I might not be the best person to ask about this topic as I have a tendency to be....pro-decentralization. In my experience, there is a momentum in large centralized church structures that becomes very specific, and runs rough-shod over different, and experimentation. I believe that experimentation in the life of a believer is infinitely more important than conformity. Conformity is external pressure that modifies behavior and rarely does anything positive for the heart. It produces regurgitation of phrases that rarely carry the weight of personal experience and conviction. Experimentation is often much more painful, but when it is done in the enormous saftey of Grace, and in the leading of the Spirit, it leads to unshakable faith. Its also seems so much easier to hide in a Church. If you mimic the external signs of that churches sub-cultural momentum, you can wind up in leadership positions without actually having any root in yourself. We dont have to look very far to see tons of examples of what happens as a result of this, or that it happens often.

Momentum appears to produce some positive things as well. At least on the outside. I am not entirely convinced that this is always good though. I think that Church momentum can be similtaneously one of the most powerul, and yet tyranical things in the earth....responsible for the tearing down of strongholds, and the initiation of Crusades. Especially when that momentum is accompanies by signs and wonders. When there are signs and wonders, there is a tendency to almost always assume that the underlying theology is correct. Then judgement follows, and uses peer pressure to punish those who exert pressure in another direction....the rebellion label is often used.

But these are just my pingpong balls in a metal room.

I guess the answer would be, "what is the Spirit telling you, and are you willing to risk being wrong to follow Him?"

The Universe is Kind.

2010-11-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

I was watching a youtube vid the other day about a eco-building in France. The girl who made it said a phrase that I have heard many times before. "The Universe is Kind" she said. There was a residue of hardness around her eyes. Echoes of anger and the belief that you have to fight hard to get anything that you want in life. But there was a softness overtaking it.
Intuition says that someone told her at some point, "you dont have to try so hard. The Universe is kind. Trust more. Look for the good. Be good to others, and good will come to you."
What fascinates me so much about this is that you can see the change in her eyes.There is a kindness, a beauty and a softness overtaking her. I do not know her, so one could argue that there is no way i could know this, and i have nothing to go on, but my heart tells me that she is being transformed by this simple change in belief and expectation. So where she used to work so hard, and never get a break, and festered with secret anger seeing the lives of people around her that things "just always work" for, she is resting from striving and beginning to see meaning in the random events of her everyday life...some of which led her to meeting a family in France that took her in, encouraged her, and showed her their home.

I am mostly fascinated with it because I believe that the Universe that she is trusting in does not exist as she thinks it does. The universe is really a place of space, atoms and energy. The Kindness that she attributes to the vastness of space really belong to the one who made it.
And yet you can see evidence of Grace on her life. This amazes me.
But that is the nature of Grace isnt it. It rewards trust more than effort. It responds to love and kindness more than anger and self will. It comes close to the humble, but regards the proud from afar. Even when it doesnt get full credit.
I think its amazing that she is possibly experiencing more of the benefits of grace in her everyday life than some of us. I would wager a guess that when things begin to get tough, she doesnt get discouraged. What would be the point? She probably rests and asks "the Universe" to show he areas where she is not living in trust and surrender. And what lesson she is to learn from this. She does not look for sin and consequence as a reason, because the Universe does not keep a record of wrongs.
To me, the Universe has a name. And He loves me with an everlasting love. I think id like to trust Him as much as that girl inspires me to.

Eternal foundation

2010-07-12T19:54:00.002-07:00

Ive been thinking about Grace, and identity alot lately.
God has been deeply challenging my concept of Grace, the cross, where I stand as a result, and how difficult it can be to fully embrace the reality of Gods Grace as it directly challenges what we would call common sense.

The Cross is the way of Mercy. Mercy is the doorway to Grace. Grace is a position, and a continuous state of being that comes from outside of ourselves. I am increasingly, and utterly astonished at what it means to be in a state of Gods Grace. I was writing back and forth with a friend on facebook and posted this....

"I still try to argue with Jesus that the Cross wasnt good enough.
Ive been listening to something over and over lately...
"Between the judgement on Calvary, where Jesus was fully,and completely judged for the sins of this world, past present and future, and the Day of Judgement at the end of all time, there is no room for judgement in this life. This is a prophetic season of Grace. There is no middle ground in Grace. You cannot preach the Gospel of Grace, and have any room in your heart for legalism, pharasie-ism, or even anger. If this is not true, then the Cross is meaningless. Either the Father poured out ALL wrath and anger on Jesus or He didnt. There is no middle ground in Grace.
It is not our job to rail against sin. It is our job to promote the Gospel of Grace to such an extent that the world is changed by it. It is the Kindness and the Goodness of God that leads us to repentance."
It never ceases to amaze me how counter intuitive the Gospel can be. At least to me. Its lunacy to the wisdom of man. To think that freedom from the consequence of sin is the very thing that frees me from it. Its humbling beyond belief, and opens hope to me in a way that is to good to be true...
but somehow still is. God is Amazing."

Grace frees us from fear. Religion tries to lead us back in. I am amazed at my reoccuring desire to pull my own efforts back into the righteousness that comes by faith. I dont think we can really handle the truth of Grace. Especially when we struggle with the same thing for a long time. We want so badly to alter the gospel to be more fair in our own eyes. When we sin, we want to punish ourselves to make sure we understand how serious it is, and emotionally flog ourselves to make sure we dont forget. Make ourselves less likely to repeat it. To think that we can continue to get away with the same things over and over is lunacy to us.
In my own life, I will think things like " It makes a mockery of the Cross when I sin." It sounds loyal doesnt it. Pious. Accurate.
But really, its a load of crap. Invented in the pits of hell to reduce the power of the cross.
I know in my own heart, when I try to reposition myself into grace after making poor choices, I hear Romans 6 echoing in my thoughts.
"Shall we continue in sin so that Grace may increase? May it never be."
But really, Im using that verse to appeal to self effort... not as it was intended.
In order to understand the power of that statement in Romans 6, we have to comprenhend the entirety of what Paul was trying to convey with the whole letter of Romans....that we cannont be justified by the law. Or by trying to avoid a specific list of things we consider sinful. Righteousness only comes by recieving it by faith.
When I say " I try to reposition myself in Grace" i betray a mis-understanding in the truth of the Gospel of Grace. I NEVER leave a state of Grace. From here to eternity, that state is a reality. The only way I can actually step out of Grace is by choosing to try to be justified by my own strength...when I no longer trust that the Provision of the Father and the sacrifice of Jesus to be enough from here to eternity.

And here is the hardest truth to face.....the one that makes our "common sense" want to run for the door, or even call it heresy....Romans 6 is ONLY meaningful once you understand that your state is no longer dependent on your contuct. EVER. Let me say it even a harder way. You can never escape a completed work. It is finished. You cant undo it. If you can, it wasnt finished to begin with.

I am personally beginging to believe that the only way to be free from the things that bind us, it to have the reality of Grace sink all the way in until we live in it every day. To be transformed by the Love of the Father.

There is alot of public resistance to the truth of Grace lately. Alot of misrepresentation of the Gospel. A whole lot of misrepresentation of who God is. "God hates ******" everywhere. Using the name of the Gracious one to justify our own hate. Many attack the Gospel of Grace trying to bring it under the law... calling the Gospel of Grace "licenteousness" . Paul mentions them in Romans 3:8

8 And not rather, (as we be slanderously reported, and as some affirm that we say,) Let us do evil, that good may come? whose damnation is just.

I find it interesting that Paul speaks so strongly against those who resist the Gospel of Grace, and try to discredit those who preach it. He seems to have really understood that it is impossible to enter into the rest of Jesus without fully understanding at the begining that a behavior modification Gospel is an affront to the Cross. That Gospel suggests "Jesus Crucified, and my own effort." Which is NOT faith. or Resting in a completed work.

So by the Grace that comes through the completed work of Jesus, the Spirit is opening my eyes to see what I have been missing.... That He is the foundation. The completed work. And it is not that I approach by faith, then move to self effort and behavior modification....as it says in Col. 2:6-8

6 as you recieved Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,(by faith)
7 being rooted and built up in him, and confirmed in the faith, as ye were taught--abounding in it in thanksgiving.(gratitude that comes from understading Grace)
8 See that no one shall be carrying you away as spoil through the philosophy and vain deceit, according to the deliverance of men, according to the rudiments of the world, and not according to Christ,

So Im feeling like the Spirit is reminding me of the foundation again. The basics. Since NOTHING can be built on something that has a foundation out of alignment. The goal being Hebrews 6:1...

1 Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on to perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God,

The Gospel of Grace is a foundation. The key. If we miss this, the WHOLE of our understanding of the Bible and Christian life will be off. And the further it goes, the worse it will be.. as a 1/8 inch mistake in a foundation can be a 6 foot gap by floor 5.

If we miss this perfect truth, we are off....
8 For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in them.

We are His workmanship. Period. Not our own. The statements that i hear alot lately that sound like "Well we are saved by Grace, but we need to be Holy" or "Well there is a difference between Salvation and Sanctification" are all rooted in our desire for self effort. It is refusing to close the door on religion, and fully trust the righteousness that comes by faith. The funny thing is, even if you choose to live your life in guilt cycles of self effort and failure, God will still love and accept you. You are after all His child bought by the blood, and living in a completed state of Grace. You might miss the experience of reveling in the overwhelming kindness of God, and seeing your identity emerge from the place of eternally greatful relationship, but you will still be His child and fully loved.
My prayer is that God would help me. That Jesus would be patient with me. That the Spirit would help me to see the truth...that I am saved by Grace through Faith from beginging to end.

UN-American.

2010-06-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

You know... I generally reserve this blog for encouragement, and steer clear of political, or even personal things to a degree.
But I really need to get this off my chest.

I am not feeling real fabulous about whats going on in the gulf.
In fact, it really weighs on me.
I really believe that we need to be praying for divine intervention.

Im feeling even less fabulous about some of the activities surrounding the BP spill.
Honestly, I was trying to be "balanced" about BP.
I was even feeling compassion for them.

But considering that they have been threatening reporters with arrest for trying to photograph the gulf coast, threatening to fire any clean up employee caught wearing a respirator in public, trying to coerce locals into signing "release from liability" documents, using financial pressure to keep independent research out, intentionally falsifying equipment test data, ignoring warning signs, and stepping outside safety protocols to meet bottom lines, Im finding it hard to maintain that sentiment.
If estimates are correct, the amount of oil in the gulf, in a surface spill 1/2 an inch thick, would cover approx 1500 square miles. Add dispersant, wind and ocean currents, and physics, and there is a good chance that all of the gulf states, much of the eastern Mexican coastline, the Yucatan peninsula, northern Cuba, some of the east coast, parts of the Atlantic Ocean, and possibly even western Europe will be negatively affected. Not to mention the tremendous and long lasting ecological damage to the gulf ocean ecosystem.
I read that the senator Rand Paul has called Obama's criticism of BP's actions "un-American". I haven't seen the actual quote, and I don't know if it was taken out of context, but if he did say it.....I'm really just speechless.
In all likelihood, in the near future BP will be facing International lawsuits, possible criminal charges, and billions in clean up costs. While I know that this entire situation is symptomatic of a deeper problem in corporate culture, and that in all likelihood, no specific person can be blamed for what happened, the reality is that 2 specific companies and their practices are directly responsible for this catastrophe. In writing this, I realize that I myself am not without guilt in overlooking my responsibilities to the harm of myself and others, and I love mercy. I have no intention of judging the individuals involved. I do think though, that we cannot let this one go un-dealt with. We cannot afford to let this be white washed away.I really believe that the most "un-American" thing that we could do in this situation would be to overlook the seriousness of it. In the interest of future generations, we should not back off of this , until every impropriety, cut corner, bad policy, PR stunt, and destroyed ecosystem is accounted for. I just cant come to terms with explaining to the next generation how we let another injustice slip through our fingers....that those responsible were able to shirk responsibility for this through intrigue, PR, and hiding behind political figures looking to make a name for themselves. This has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with stewardship.
I am personally going to pray for mercy for BP officials. I cant imagine what it would be like to be in that position. But I am also praying that out of this we as a nation will take steps to make sure than nothing like this ever happens again. And that those responsible would GREATLY fear the consequences from now on.

The foolishness of God

2010-04-04T00:59:00.001-07:00

I was thinking today about the statement,

"The gospel is a fairy tale."

Honestly, I think that statement is acurate.

The idea of the gospel is so incredible, so outrageous, that it is nearly imposible to believe...even for those who say they believe it.

The idea that we live in a Universe created simply by the will of one being is impossible enough.
But the idea that the creater of the Universe would concieve of an idea so outrageous as the gospel, and put it into play from the outset of the universe's creation is nearly imposible for a rational being to accept.

To take those who live in a state of inescapable karma, bound by the law of reaping what is sown, and release from His own heart a redemptive plan... an irrational plan that involves the only earthly being ever to eminate from Him rather than being created by Him...a plan that includes those who are being redeemed by the plan acting as the brutal murderers of the being who eminated from God, and lived the only exemplary life in human history, so that they the murderers could recieve, in a twist of the law of reaping what it sown, the perfect reward of that beings perfect life after murdering him.

What being in His right mind would ever concieve of such a plan, let alone impliment it at the cost of the only man to ever eminate from Him and live in perfect union with Him? It would be much more likely that He would let that man be the seed of a new race of perfect beings after destroying the fallen race of man who lived before him.

But instead, the Creator of the Universe sends His own son to die a brutal death at our hands, after being rejected by all men, and in one act destroys Karmic law. Destroys forever the law of reaping what was sown by our own hands. And invites us with open arms to live in an eternal Love relationship with Him where we daily experience the Power of His Spirit in us. Not as those who should rightfully have no position or inheritance in this new standing of redemption becasue of what we did to His son, but as sons and daughters ourselves. Inheriting the very standing of the one who we murdered.
To then raise that man from the grips of death and seat Him on the throne of the universe with His heart, love, experience, and scars intact, to live as an eternal King who daily stands before the Creater of the Universe, showing Him the scars in His hands saying "See, it has been done. I have the right to ask that you bless them. Please bless them." is....beyond irrational.

The thought that we could recieve a life so incredible by simply choosing to see the man Jesus as the one through whom our hope now comes, simply so that our ways of thinking and seeing could be renewed to recieve our new reality is beyond irrational.

It is totally irrational and utterly imposible that anything like this could ever be. It defies reason. It is no wonder that the world shakes its head in disbelief. To believe this would make life so amazing that it would be nearly imposible to live without shouting from the rooftops "LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE!!!"

Like Job, we have recieved 7 times what was taken from us. Both we, and our sons and daugeters recieve the inheritance in the same way that Job's Sons and daugters did. Adams sons and Daugters recieved the result of what what was done through him. Now we, as sons and doughters of the King, recieve His inheritance...eternal right standing with God.

I wonder sometimes what my life would be like if I fully believed the gospel. Not out of obligation, moving back into the fallen mind of man who's concience cannot recieve such an amazing gift let alone live in it, but as a captured son...redeemed fully from the grips of death...set free to forever live in joy, provision, and unity with Him.

The statement "the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength" is more true than anything we can concieve of.
Through it we live an impossibility...
A life eternally reunited with God.

You are concerned about a great many things.

2010-01-06T18:17:00.001-08:00

Ive been thinking about alot of things lately. My life direction, my relationship with God, the direction of technology, paying my bills, the lack of understanding surrounding how important the Open Source movement is, the emergence of Militant Athiest activism, my desire to love more, and not be overtaken by the world.....
Exhausting.
But tonight, I heard this song in my head, so I found it on youtube and stood looking out my window over the city...just amazed.
I brings me to my knees in silence.

I get so concerned about so many things.
I could hear the Spirit whispering over all of us. Reminding us, like Martha, that we are concerned about a great many things. But there is only one that captures all of our being.
One of the greatest importance. Not from obligation, but out of mystery.

Mushroom like faith.

2009-12-22T10:08:00.000-08:00

I fell asleep in my chair last night. I slept right through trying to bid on some items on shopgoodwill.com. So at 5am, I found myself awake and reading this article in Esquire .
I love waking up early. Even if i slept in my chair all night. I love the silence that hangs over my section of the world. It's easier to hear whispers, and the quiet voice that gets drowned out so quickly.
The article in esquire is a reminder for me. I have been focusing in the wrong direction.
Ive been focusing on the wrong things. Ive forgotten trust.
But this morning, out of the darkness I see something emerging. And its beautiful. I can see people at peace. People that love. People that live simply, and have faith with laughter. People who just do what is in front of them, and without even realising it, are becoming something incredible.
So I want to lift up my head. I am looking around at the connections. The friendships. The opportunities. Something is coming, something is here. Its coming out of love and relationships. Out of a position of surrender, and simple love...

All Authority

2009-12-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

I have been working on a personal website for the last few days.
Ive been trying to include content that I love, and is important to me personally.
In doing this, Ive come across some personal baggage and I have been attempting to process it in the light of truth.
The conflict for me seems to be in the areas of love, and should.
I love knowledge.
I love insight.
There are very few things in life that I love more that seeing past current perception lines,
and self imposed limitations.
Living under and applying the paradigm of Gods love and acceptance changes sight lines that often come from the bondage of religious limitation..Living a fear based life of list regulation is opposite of what God intends for us. It is one of the things that Jesus gave his live to deliver us from.
I wonder why it is then that so many of us Christians live under such obligation?
But that is a larger discussion.
My personal context for these ideas are in the areas of innovation.
As Ive been coding, ive been watching Fringe on VLC.
Some of the subjects on the show have me thinking...
How much do we believe Jesus when He says "All Authority"?
How much of our own current social and personal prejudice do we apply to that statement?
Why do we translate that into limitation rather than freedom?
More specificity, why do we think that some areas of research or interest are "off limits" or inherently "sinful"?
It makes me wonder how many scientific advances have been opposed by those under the influence of a religious spirit. What other innovations and discoveries have been labeled as "witchcraft"
due to a mis-understanding of the phrase "All Authority"?
I believe that the people who truly understand the death of Jesus, and the power of the resurrection have an open door to be some of the greatest innovators, scientists, explorers in history. The idea that someone who believes in creation cannot truly understand science is one of the most preposterous ideas currently being perpetuated. I am impassioned to live a life of wonder and curiosity in relationship with the greatest mind in the universe...
The mind of God.

The road to Damascus

2009-11-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

In 1999 and 2000, I lived in Kosovo and Albania.
I was working with Youth with a Mission in response to the ethnic cleansing that was being perpetrated by the Milosovich regime. Initially, we were working in a refugee camp for displaced Kosovar Albanians. Following that a small team of us went into Kosovo as the Serbian Army was retreating. This was one of the most impactful events of my relatively sheltered American life.
I knew from some of my friends who were staying in the refugee camp that horrible atrocities were being committed, but I was not prepared for the level of focused evil that we witnessed after entering Kosovo. Working with a rouge military unit known as the Tigers, Milosovich had concluded that if they only destroyed one village a week, the UN would not take notice or get involved. Fortunately, he was mistaken. While the injustice of seeing people driven from their homes was disturbing, the most distressing and impactful thing was seeing first hand how methodical the injustice was. Hour after hour of driving inland revealed a new destroyed village around every corner, and seeing that level of patient determined evil changed maniacal injustice from a read about concept to a witnessed reality. As strange as it may sound, that level of injustice has a feel to it. It leaves an residue in the atmosphere that is tangible.
And in the same way that it often takes an encouraging word to counteract a negative proclaimation, it takes a focused act of love and reconciliation to change that atmosphere.

I spent a couple of months the following year living in Kosovo as it was being rebuilt. I was amazed at the level of tangible grace over that place as it was being restored. But occasionally, I would go into a cafe, or be walking down the street, and I would feel a residual darkness over a physical place...like something was trying to keep a hold on a geographic location in the hopes of again creating injustice. While praying peace over a place would often be effective, we noticed that a visible act of kindness or reconciliation in that place was incredibly powerful in destroying that lingering sense of injustice and releasing a new identity for that place. Sometimes the anger under the surface was intense, and rightly so, but I observed that a vocal proclamation identifying what had occurred to them as injustice was sometimes needed before any forgiveness could begin.

One of the most difficult things to overcome was that some of what had been done had been done under the name of Christian. Mosques had been destroyed, and so called Christian markings left behind, sometimes at the sites of mass murders. Needless to say, many of the churches had been destroyed when the Albanians had returned, and there were some events where Muslim Albanians came into the church we were attending with firearms trying to get people to denounce Jesus at gunpoint. I was somehow never present when this happened, but the events were more than real to me. This period of time in my life ingrained into me a deep seated outlook on cultural injustice, and particularly injustice done in the name of God.

This week I stumbled onto some youtube videos of evictions occuring in Israel.
They were difficult for me to watch. They brought back memories of families that I had known personally that had lost everything including family members from ethnic cleansing.
In one of the videos there was a Rabbi explaining that God takes from who He will take from, and gives to whom He will give to. And all of the land of Israel has been given to the Jews by God.
This is hard for me. Even more so because I agree theologically with what the Rabbi said.
I am mindful that God made a promise to Abraham. A promise that He intends to keep. I am also mindful that the one who blesses Israel will himself be blessed. I have also read for most of my life stories of Israel taking the land by force, and leaving not one soul alive behind them, and that at the direction of God.
But Ill be honest. What I believe theologically is hard to reconcile with what I see happening in Israel right now. And knowing the person of Jesus, and believing that He is the character representation of the Father, I don't see much of His character in what is occurring. I found myself thinking that much of the difficulty that is foretold regarding Israel in the last days could very well be a result of actions like these. But as much as I am inclined to condemn what is occurring there, I am not going to. This is something that only God can solve and He will, but I will continue to pray for the peace of Israel.

It did get me thinking though. Mostly about actions that bring on retaliations that we then call unjust persecution, even though the actions that we perpetuated (or condoned by silence) in Gods name are what caused the persecution in the first place. Misguided zealotry so often seems to circumvent what God Himself is about to do for us, and I cant help but think that suffering for righteousness is much better than suffering for self-righteousness. In many of the online communities and forums that I frequent, I am seeing a growing anger toward Christians that is being fueled not only by events like the Westboro Babtist Church standing outside a middle-school with signs that say "God is your Enemy", but by the total lack of reconciliatory action in response to these events. I cant help but cringe at those who say this is just being persecuted for righteousness.

This George Washington quote sums it up for me. "Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the rest is in the hands of God." There is no question that a spirit of anti-Christ growing in the earth right now. That is something that was foretold long ago. But I cannot think, that we should sit by in silent inaction using prophecy as an excuse to allow or even condone with silence the maligning of His name by those who resemble the enemy more than they resemble Jesus.
If anti-Christ is to grow, let it grow from its own lies and have God Himself to deal with rather than be a direct result of legitimate injustice perpetuated by those who are called by His name.

We have a call to love. We also have a call to cast down every argument that exalts itself against the knowledge of the One. Especially when that argument comes from within our own ranks.
I am not suggesting that reacting in anger, with the same spirit of hatred is the answer. When you fight evil with evil, evil grows. I do think that action is called for though. I wonder what would happen if the body of Christ in this country would stop speculating whether or not Obama is the anti-Christ, and would actively display the character of Jesus Christ. What would happen if we all cried out for Jesus himself to visit Westboro Babtist Church...while they are on the road to Damascus with percecution in their hearts. What if their demonstrations were over run with people acting in Love, and in obvious opposition to those trying to repay evil for evil...demonstrating what it means to overcome evil with good.
Make no mistake, it could get messy, but a standard needs to be raised which truly represents the character of Jesus.
The rest is in the hands of God.

Alabaster Jar

2009-10-27T22:21:00.000-07:00

I was reading about alabaster tonight after spending some time with Jesus.
I was surprised to discover that there are two main types. Hard, and Soft.
Soft alabaster is easier to work with as it is easily effected by pressure and abrasion.
The hard alabaster is not as easy to form, but when it is formed, it is more resilient for common use. Cynically, I would expect to hear an analogy from a pulpit somewhere discussing why it is important to be soft alabaster...that is is easier to mold and shape. But really, if you read more about it, both types have a distinct purpose. For intricate and highly decorative work, soft alabaster would be the obvious choice. For making a vessel that is resilient in more that one specific use,and will maintain its shape in a variety of situations, hard alabaster is better suited.
Tonight I saw a picture of two people discussing what God was about to do in the city where I live. I saw both of them having difficulty coming to terms with the approach of the other.
I heard the phrase "The heart tells the liver, "its all about getting the blood to the body" The liver tells the heart, "Its all about keeping the blood clean"
The truth of the matter is, without both being singularly focused on what they do, the body would collapse.

Over the last couple weeks, Ive been spending time with a very wide variety of people who identify themselves as Christians. People with very different socio-political views, approaches to life, and subcultural preferences.
It is often amusing to me that when these groups are exposed to each other they exhibit a certain level of discomfort. Maybe it shouldn't amuse me, but it does. I think its interesting how closely we guard our opinions. Myself included. But I wonder what it is that we are afraid of exactly. Are we afraid that listening to another view with an open heart will suddenly change our faith? That we will be inextricably altered beyond repair somehow? When you look at it objectively, its really a pretty ridiculous notion, but the fear seems to make it a reality. I think sometimes that we have this view of what Unity is..and in many ways, its debilitating. We seem to think that Unity is thinking exactly the same things on all points. Having a hierarchical view of importance that must be adhered to.
I don't think thats the case. The heart and liver could teach us alot about this. Chances are, you wont see the heart and the liver at a coffee shop together. They live pretty far away from each other, and are usually pretty busy. Their lives are very different. One votes redblood, the other votes blue. But when the Heart starts thinking the liver needs to change into a heart, or vise-versa you have a problem. In many ways, Unity is contingent on letting others be very different from you, and listening to what is motivating them when you have a chance. I wonder if the real problem is that we dont know what we are here for individually.
I personally believe that "Doing what we see the Father doing" is very personal. I think of Eric Liddel the Olympic Athlete. When His sister was chastising him for "not following the call" He told her "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."
Why do we translate "I only do what I see the Father doing" into "If I am not accomplishing this subset of expectations I am not doing what I should?"
What I see the Father doing right now is sparking, and using the socialmedia culture revolution to build Kingdom foundations into society.
I have a friend who sees art in everything...hears God speaking in colors and brush. If both of us abandoned these heart felt visions for a subset of religious shoulds, we would quickly find ourselves deeply unmotivated and living a life of obligation. God is not like this. He is not a God of obligation, guilt, or manipulation. He gives without asking anything in return. He loves because that is who He is. He choses to be Himself.I have on more than one occasion felt Him as excited as a wonder filled child at the idea of a new venture. As excited as my nephew when you collaborate with him to build something for his cars. As excited as a Father on Christmas morning knowing what is underneath the wrapping paper... "wait until they open THIS!" That is just what He is like. He loves to give...to collaborate to create. He loves redeemed creative passion.

I think its amazing that Alabaster has such a strong symbolism for us Christians because of the act of one woman. She looked around her life, and found the one thing that was most valuable.
The thing she was best at. That regardless of what religion judged her as, represented her beauty, and value. And she poured it out. With passion. Jesus knew what it was. Purity. Love.
I wonder if in the coming days we will be ready for the shape of some of the Alabaster Jars that are being brought to the feet of Jesus.

The reality is, the Heart and the Liver probably wont hang out much. And really thats O.K. Because they have a purpose. A calling. A focus. I think that most days they appreciate each other from a distance...for doing things that the other doesn't understand. They just know that the body would not function without them, and the have the same Head,the same blood, the same purpose.
In the end that is what matters.

We, like Living stones

2009-10-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

A mash up of youtube responses to Darren Solomon's "In Bflat" Project.
Start them all, and in any order...

Its hard to hear inside of a bunker.

2009-10-18T05:10:00.000-07:00

I live on a flight path.
There is a Military Base 15 minutes south of me, and once a day, a big military transport plane makes a slow approach directly overhead moving toward the landing field. The planes are huge, and it always amazes me that they stay in the air.
I try to picture the law of lift in my head sometimes when I watch them make their Zeppelinish approach. I'm fascinated by laws and unseen forces. Shapes and actions that can be harnessed to lift a 390 ton C-5 Galaxy in to the air and hold it there are really an amazing thing.

Ive been thinking about unseen laws lately. Universal laws that produce a result in the same way that lift occurs with the right shape and speed. People and cultures have observed these constants and have called them things like Karma...you will receive back into your life what you give.
It frustrates me sometimes that many of us marginalize the concept of arbitrary laws when it comes to the Spiritual realm. We either over spiritualize them and confuse them with Gods will, or we dismiss the idea altogether. Resignation, or dismissal...usually resulting from impatience or a lack of understanding. Its much easier to create a philosophy that eases the pain of loss that to face what has been lost in light of what you have believed about God.

Im at a point like this right now. Im having to face some things. Some difficult things.
Its strange that my relationship with God would be a main factor in the difficulty, but it seems to be. I keep thinking that it should be the opposite, but it isn't.
I think sometimes when facing loss, it is almost easier to not believe. That may sound crazy to some, but the thing I keep coming up against is who I thought He was, and who I think He is.
If I through my own choices, when I was trusting God to help me, am reaping the consequences of actions that I didn't fully understand the consequences of, there can be a temptation to guard your heart against Him. I'm just being honest here. In many religious circles you aren't even able to talk about being disappointed in God. Its heresy. God is perfect.

I do believe He is perfect. The thing that can be difficult to come to terms with is looking at Him with a totally open heart when you know He was able to keep you from making these mistakes.
I do believe that He works all things together for good, but I still wonder.
I believe the He will restore time lost, but I still question the game plan.

The thing I keep coming back to is that the most constant thing in the Universe is Gods character.
It can be difficult to face that the reason you made mistakes is not because God is ambivalent,
but because He has a long term view. As hard as it can be for us to face, sometimes allowing us to make mistakes can be the most loving thing that can be done...regardless of the pain. Pain is temporary. Love is eternal.

I think of truth in an odd way. There are some complaints about the current mindset that truth is relative. I have no problem with this because I actually believe that it is accurate. The statement you are driving on Straight St. is true to the number of people who happen to be doing that. It is not true to those who aren't. The statement you are driving on the Street is true for a greater number of people. The higher you get in perspective, the greater the applicability of that truth. Absolute truth is something that applies to everyone regardless of perspective or position... You are in the solar system, you came from a woman, God loves you absolutely.

The most universal truth is Gods character and Love. It is stronger than consequence,pain, loss, or regret. Pain is temporary, Gods love is forever. And yes... it is a consolation. In some cases, the only one left, and the only one worth having. As hard as it can be to move back into trust, it is the only sure place to stand.

The truth that Gods love will never fail is not empty. It is not without action. Gods love is never without action. So trusting Him to move you into the fullness of His love, regardless of how things look right now, is more real, more true, and more assured that any pain or loss. Refocusing on this...resting in this, letting it heal your heart, and move you out of the carefully constructed bunker of self protection, is the best answer. It can be the only answer.
If you insist on getting a why before you open your heart again, you can be waiting a very long time, and its hard to hear inside of a bunker.

Jesus called, He wants His church back.

2009-10-05T02:45:00.000-07:00

About the last week or so, I have been thinking alot about relationships.
Specifically being less guarded. I'm a thinker and tend to view things from an observational perspective which is good in some cases, but in others it can make me seem pretty in-accessible. I can be thinking about how incredibly awesome the person I am talking to is, but sometimes on the outside I'm only assuming that this is being communicated. Sort of a catch 22 for someone who loves people as much as I do, but God is good at change.

Last night I didn't sleep much.
About 3:30 am i decided that the most logical thing to do would be to take my garbage out. I live in an old apartment building - circa 1925. The kind of old that some people call style, and others just call old. Most days, I call it style.
The bottom floor in the building is kinda creepy. Not really creepy, but enough creepy.
Old movie with suspenseful music kind of creepy. Ill refrain from further descriptors for my own sake.
So I navigated the sliding elevator door and turned to walk down the dim basement hallway. Walking toward me at 3:30 in the morning, in very stark contrast to her surroundings was a very pretty girl. Not just a little pretty. Like red carpet premier pretty. Make other girls angry pretty.
The next 3 seconds were fascinating to me, and I thought about them all day today. And no, it wasn't because she was hot enough to burn the paint off the wall behind her.
As i walked past her, she looked me directly in the eyes, and smiled a totally honest smile. I smiled back. I looked at her and saw she was actually a really nice person.
Its weird how much of our own baggage we can project onto people that we think are in-accessible. Then I realized she was a stripper. She saw me realize it. Being a guy, I immediately pictured her naked. Having some practice in choosing what I see, I re-fixated on who she was as a person. She saw the whole thing, comprehended it, and thought it was funny. Then she surprised me by completely dropping her guard, and inviting me to talk to her, but let me know she would shut me down if I so much as thought about hitting on her. I politely declined, and walked out the door. Maybe I should have talked to her, but I didn't. I wasn't prepared, and was caught off guard at 3:30 in the morning.
3 seconds, no words, total honesty.
Why am I telling you this?
I am, like I said, fascinated by the level of total honesty in that 3 second wordless exchange.

Today I drove up to Seattle to take a look at some kitchen facilities that I will be using to prepare food for a close friends wedding. It was fun. I got to hang out with a great friend, and at the end of it, I decided to stay for the evening service at the church where they will be having the wedding. With honesty and openness still fresh in my mind, I walked in sort of excited. I like going to new churches and seeing what God is doing there. I love the diversity.
What immediately struck me as I made my way to the sanctuary was that no one would look me in the eyes. Everyone looked away. And there was fear in the place.
Shame even. It sort of made me want to very quickly turn around and walk out.
But I didn't. I took a seat. The music was pretty good. Some announcements.
At this point I am practicing that fixating thing. I will not get offended. I will see the good. Its a bit oppressive in here, but still these are people. I like people. These are Gods people. I like God.
At this point a very Seattle looking guy gets up and starts to preach. I could have run up and kissed him. I didn't. He talked about relationships. He talked about openness, and wondered why in the world people would want to spend time with people who say that they are free, but are totally stand offish and wont even look you in the eye. He was honest. He was open. He made me smile and gave me hope.

On the way home I was just listening. I try to do that when my head gets to busy.
At some point, I got a very clear feeling that we are about to see a shift. That the places of deep relationship and looking people directly in the eye with total honesty are about to be inhabited by the ones He calls His own. That the pattern of the church is about to change. And why wouldn't it? We are free from shame and fear. We belong to the one who created all things. Sons and Daughters of the King.
I'm not condemning that girl I saw in the hallway, or even judging her. In fact, I liked her. Jesus didn't come to condemn the world, but to save it.

You'll never change!

2009-09-28T18:10:00.001-07:00

I spent much of my 20's at coffee shops. Playing hackeysack, being beaten at chess, staying up too late and postulating about life in small groups at 2:30am. I do wonder sometimes what would be different in my life if I would have spent my time differently, but today I am cherishing those late night conversations, and what happens when its too late to keep your guard up. In the midst of good natured prodding, and laughter, love is exchanged. I think if we are honest, a simple phrase like "you are awesome" can be life changing. In the vulnerability of friendship, those moments can define how we see ourselves, and how we see others.
There was a long haired, Metallica loving poet who I played chess with regularly. I played him at least one game every night, and he beat me at least one game every night. With a smile on his face. It was fun. There was some good natured prodding, and some life defining moments of true friendship. "You are alright" he would say. And he meant it. He was alright too. Actually, he was awesome. I thought he was brilliant. I really did want to win, but honestly,I was enjoying the opportunity to learn. I was also really thankful for the acceptance. I did finally win a game after playing him every night for a year. It was a joyous occasion. I mated him with a pawn. He gave me the raised eyebrow head nod. A generous gesture that said "Well done grasshopper. It is now time for you to leave." I would still lose to him fairly often after that, but I would win too. It wasnt the same. I had gained his respect as an opponent, and he veiwed me differently.
I think about that season often. About coming back for more when you keep getting your ass handed to you by someone who is much smarter and more experienced than you. I think there is a life lesson there. Not to mention some great friendships, and life changing moments of late night truth that define how you see yourself and your place in the world.
On the way back from the store today, I saw a guy who lives in my building standing outside. He is dating a girl who I worked with a couple of years ago, so we have engaged in some token elevator ride conversations. He is immediately likeable. He has that perceivable quality of stability. Simple humility. Openness, and generosity of heart. But today he seemed a bit dark. There was a shadow darkening that likable friendliness that I have grow accustomed to seeing on his face. We wound up in the elevator together as usual, so I asked how he was doing. It turns out that she left. He had been up late one night about a month ago after she had gone to sleep, and as he was walking to the bedroom to go to sleep, he saw a piece of paper sticking out of her purse with apartment listings on it.
He stood there for a while thinking about it....wondering if she was looking for the two of them. But he was planning on buying a house. Why would she do that? He risked and went through her jacket pockets. He found a check from her mother for several hundred dollars. Something didn't feel right. He tried to talk to her a bit that night, but she was sleeping and he let it go until the next morning. The next day she didn't come home. We stood in the hallway for a while. I tried to just listen. As we talked I started to think back to the time I spent working with her. She is a very beautiful girl, and intelligent. She has a disarming smile, and was friendly, but to me there always seemed to be a shadow somewhere in there...like something from the past that she couldn't shake, and would manifest whenever she got too close to someone. It turns out they had been together for six years, and recently it had felt like their relationship was entering a new level of intimacy. And then she ran. I tried to be as encouraging as I could be in a situation like that. I asked him what he believed, we talked a little about that, and I told him that my door was always open.
Ive been reflecting lately on how I view myself. Thinking about some things that seem so hard for me to change. Reflecting how most of us have those moments like the ones that I cherish from late nights at the cafe... where we come to believe that we have something to offer....something of value. But we also have other voices and experiences where we unwittingly swallowed something dark, and begin to view ourselves with a hidden hopelessness. Thinking that we "are something". Something negative. That we are trapped. And we usually bury these feelings and rarely talk about them, because they seem so unfashionable to bring out in the open. I mean shouldn't we be further along by now? We all have those. I had one recently. Someone from my past was venting on me about her current circumstance. When it started to get personal, I retreated. She perceived it, and turned her anger toward me. She ended it with "You'll never change." I tried not take it too personally, but I politely reminded her that every curse spoken over me will become a blessing because that is the nature of the God we call on... and then I spoke a blessing over her....Click.
You'll never change. Absolute. All time ahead of you is hopeless. I don't think I can swallow that one. I don't think I want to. If I am going to swallow an absolute that will sink into how I see myself, I want to swallow something that tastes like hope. Something that tells me that I might have to play every night for a year or twenty, but its never hopeless. Time is a gift. Every moment is fresh. You can be defined by what you hope for. You can be like God and speak the things that are not as though they are. And have hope for the future. You may get scared of intimacy and hide from that things you are afraid you cant change, but every moment that comes after that is a new opportunity to believe. You have the creator of the universe telling you that you are never defined by your past. That when He looks at you he sees the hope of eternity in you. That nothing is impossible to you if you will only believe.
I am liking that year I spent playing chess more and more. You can keep coming back. Keep getting up. Keep moving the pieces around the board and paying attention.
You might not win the first time, but eventually you will win. You will win.
Id like to find my chess friend again and thank him.

The motorcycle trail home.

2009-09-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

I was raised by hippie musicians.
Its true.
Its similar to being raised by wolves, but the clothing is cooler, and you get granola every morning.
My Dad was one of the few who was able to make a decent living as a professional musician.
I spent more than my share of time on tour buses, in hotels, on airplanes and in late-night jam sessions..life was an adventure.
My parents loved me dearly, and I knew it.
Shortly after my 9th birthday, my Father, after having a pretty intense conversion experience, fully gave his life to following Jesus.
There were some major transitions after this. Alot of them economic. My father spent a couple years wrestling with depression, wondering where he was going, how he could live a "normal" life and raise a family.
All through this time, Jesus was becoming his refuge.
I remember waking up early in the morning for many years after that,and hearing my Father upstairs singing to the Lord. The God of the Universe was his friend. It wasn't about religion, it was a real relationship with the One who created the universe.
While he didnt know it then, this had one of the largest impacts on me growing up. More than the conversations, rewards, lectures, the arguments...

We would experience the strangest and most serendipitous events you could imagine as a family.
We would run into the strangest people at the strangest times. And there would come a moment when my Father would share his relationship with God. Not in a preachy way, but it would always just happen. There would come a point where it was just where the conversation was going.
As time went on, I realized that the feeling in the air would change as this was about to happen.
I learned early that God would lead you. That seemingly random encounters were in fact moments of possibility where eternity was invading the earth.
I was 11.
On my 12th birthday, I heard Gods voice for the first time. It wasn't audible, but it may as well have been. It resonated every part of my being. I was standing in the front yard watching it snow, and I heard God simply say "This is for you".
It was as clear as anything I had ever heard. And there was deep love in that voice.
My parents told me that because it was snowing, our plans to go into town to go skating for my birthday had to be canceled. I heard the voice again..."At 6pm it will start to rain, and you will be able to go skating." At 6pm that evening it started to rain.

God was and is very real to me. He has been a constant friend. There have been times when He seemed very far away. There have also been times when I have experienced things that are really beyond describing with words...a tangible Power and a Love that felt like fire...enveloping the air all around me...beyond imagining.
When I was 22, I was sitting in my friends car in front of my parents house. I was having a heated argument with a friend about God. I was voicing my frustration over how it seemed like God would not reveal himself to me, and tell me why I was here. It was delivered in a pretty arrogant way really. " I didn't ask to be born..where is He?"
On the way down the driveway, something happened, and I wound up on my face...asking God for something...to show me that He was there...to tell me what He wanted from me. When I walked in the back door, the television was blaring. It said "America needs a prophet that will listen to the voice of the Lord." I walked into my room and picked up my bible...opened it up, and put my finger on the page. Above my finger it simply said " Put your finger here". Nope,not making it up. Underneath that it said " Do you believe now because you have seen? I tell you the truth...blessed is he who has not seen and yet still believes."

When I was 24 the same friend who I had been arguing with that night gave me a copy of Charles Finney's autobiography. It was a life altering book for me. There was a bit of contention in the church at that time over some of the ways that the Holy Spirit was choosing to reveal Himself, and I was hungry for answers. As I read through the events that occurred in Charles Finneys life nearly 100 years before, I was captured. I said out loud, "I want this" I want to experience you like this. To know you the way he did. To have a life with that level of impact on the earth." It became my dream.
Over the next 10 years I chased after God. What I didn't know then was my view of what chasing after God looked like was skewed. What I thought was chasing after God was really me trying to become good enough for Him to choose me for a life of impact. I secretly hoped that He would see that I was serious about it, and that maybe through relentless pursuit I could finally convince a reluctant God to bless me with a life of power.
If I can just do better, He will see...

What seemed so right at the time, was actually tragically destructive. You see what I didnt know then that I am coming to know now is that I was trying to choose something that I thought would please God, then force Him through my own intensity to give me what I was asking for.

When I was 7, my Father took me to a motorcycle shop. We were living in a huge farmhouse with another family,(i told you..hippies) and all of the kids in the neighborhood had little fat tire motorcycles. In my mind, we were just there to look. What I didn't know at seven, was that my Father had seen me standing on the edge of the field while all of the other kids were riding their motorcycles, and his heart had been stirred to action. He would not have his son excluded.
So I stood there looking at the coolest motorcycles ever..all towering over my head...and then i saw it. The most perfect thing I had ever seen. The Honda xr50. 50cc's of 7 year old yearning with a shiny red gas tank and motocross tires. No tubby tires with a lawnmower engine here, this was the big time. I was breathless. I stood quietly. I was sure that there was no way that my parents would ever buy me anything that cool. I mustered my courage and approached my Father careful to not look directly at him. "If you buy me that motorcycle, I will be good forever" I said. My mother laughed and said "You will will you?" I missed it. My Dad said "Are you sure about that?" I said "Yes. I promise" They bought me the motorcycle.
Shortly after that, I crawled out of a bathroom window while at a friends house and took off on that motorcycle after my parents had said it was time to go. I wasn't good forever.
The Lord had to wait until I was in my 30's to show me the full meaning of that event. To show me how we can try so hard to earn something that He has already determined in His heart to give us. Im still learning that lesson.

This morning I woke up at 2 am.
As I was standing in the kitchen, I became aware that my spirit was humming a song. So I stopped to listen. I heard the words "Savior please,keep saving me."
I did a google search and found the video on youtube.

I am so amazed at this life sometimes. This life that has the God of the Universe as a friend so close that He sings a song into your spirit at 2 in the morning while the world sleeps...a song that you are longing to hear more that you can know until you hear it.
I stayed awake and just sat listening. At some point I got up and walked to the white board in the kitchen and wrote these words...
"I don't want to be Finney any more. I just want to know you."
There was more, but that sums it up.
Somehow just knowing what He is really like seems like the greatest gift that anyone could ever have. Better than a life of impact. Better that an xr50 with motocross tires.
I think my dream has changed.
I have spent so much of my life working myself into places of condemnation and not feeling good enough. Wondering why God chooses others and not me. Wondering if I will ever be what God wants me to be.
How heart breaking it must be sometimes for God. To see us pleading with him...running around trying so hard...trying to please Him. Not understanding what the blood of Jesus was given for, and what it means for us. I think there are alot of us who have shiny xr50's waiting for us, and for me it looks like finally knowing that I am already chosen. That I make him smile. That he saw me standing on the edge of the field long ago, and His heart was moved to action.
And I dont have to be good forever.

2009-09-14T00:29:00.001-07:00

2009-09-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

I feel different today.
I see mercy.
I woke up, rolled over, and the first verse I saw was
"Let the House of Aaron now say, "His Mercy Endures Forever!"

There has been much weight as of late.
Fears of wrong decisions.
Multiple directional potential...possible opportunities..
with no clear conviction, and no clear hope...that gold sparkle that clings to a certain choice.
Just a sense of pressure and obligation telling me i should make the right decision,or ill lose it.
I dont do so well under pressure when I dont know where I am going.

I cant tell you exactly why I think this, or even if I should, but I get the feeling that
something very significant happened in the Heavenly realm. I feel this sense of being given another chance to be reckless. To try to be. To be. Im not sure I have the words.
I feel like there was an expectation of judgment, and instead we see again that the High King of Glory is an amazing person. I don't mean to diminish Him, as if I could, but I just see Him..
Looking out over a people, or a person (me) and seeing decisions based in wrong spirits, anger released in selfishness, shouting with a raised fist of blame,and i see him choosing to see the possibility. Choosing to be the God of Hope. Choosing to be the God of Faithfulness. To be the God of loving Mercy.
Im pretty sure this sounds like babbling. But its whats happening to me. I am thoroughly convinced that when I see some of these hopes in me, break through into the material realm, it will be ENTIRELY because of mercy. And not because I made the right choices.

Im giving up on being linear with this one. Going to write what I see.
I see a time of possibility. I see a time of Mercy. I see a time of breakthrough.
I see that we are in a time of incredible possibility...and it all revolves around love.
Giving. Hoping. Leaving a legacy.
We have just passed through a potential catastrophe. And the God of Mercy has chosen to be Himself.

I believe that a shift is coming.
I believe that in science, there are simple people who live a life of worship and wonder, who are going to hear the spirit showing them secrets.
I believe that in writing, art, innovation, creation...we are entering a shift....
it is justice. it is a response to the injustice of the simple being dismissed because of their simple wonderment at the person of God. The simple will offer ideas and creative alternatives to problems that have been hidden for ages. This will require continuing to walk in humility. TO remember that it was in the simple place of worship that the mysteries were seen. Because its not the mysteries that are the treasure...but the one who reveals mystery as a smile and an act of love and intimacy.
This shift comes with a warning.
Stay in simple love. Give away. Dont let the substance become your substance. Let Him be your substance...your mystery and great love.

We have arrived at a place where we must let go of failed attempts.
We must let go of failed systems...and in spontaneous community, begin to look out and see how we can serve.
Serve does not mean dogma. It doesnt mean preaching... unless you feel that call. It means to join the Father in what you see Him doing. And being willing to believe that what you see the Father doing is important...and might have a different approach than the person standing next to you.
Some see the father healing. Some see the father bathing a stresses world in music. Some see Him forgiving debt and restoring. Some see colors covering the canvas of life...others see him doggedly commited to revealing that His ways of government, business, restoration, and creativity are always sustainable and best.
HE is prolific...and he invites us to witness his passion, and offer ourselves as living stones.

I dont think that the stone walls of the Kingdom are made with uniform blocks that all look the same. They are each unique.And the mortar of love fills the gaps.

Increasing the atmosphere of Heaven

2009-08-19T17:23:00.000-07:00

I am thinking today about the heavenly realm.
More specifically the atmosphere of heaven.

I think we all have places that we go to reflect on particular moods or thoughts.
Places that we park, or go to to induce or encourage a particular mindset.

I think that in our Spiritual lives we can simultaneously appreciate, and undervalue the importance of atmosphere. We can consciously recognize the importance of it in our own lives, and at the same time marginalize it as an indulgence or even a personal preference...thinking that in practical terms it really shouldn't matter.

While I agree with the notion that we should "bloom where we are planted", I don't think that we can really do this without understanding the real meaning and importance of atmosphere.

An example...
Gig Harbor is a fairly small town west of Tacoma, that has a very particular atmosphere.
Some cynical opinions would classify it as rich or snooty. While there may be some elitism that can be found, I am mindful of the fact that when I go there, I seem to have an easier time accessing creative ideas. Not artistic per se, but business or entrepreneurial ideas... They seem to just be easier to see and clarify. Some would dismiss this as...i don't know what, but I think that there is an underlying truth to be found here.

Gig Harbor has some unusual population statistics. It has an large population of wealthy people. Some of it hidden, and not flashy. It has produced some revolutionary business ideas, products, and models.I know a number of young people from there who have started their own businesses and have been very successful. It is also has a hidden population of Hollywood "elite". It also has the highest concentration of evangelical Christians in the Northwestern United States. Why would this be? What takes a hold of a geographic region that causes a migration of people that value a particular mindset? Is it proactive or reactive?
I think it can be a bit of both.

What am I getting at?
I am not saying that you should always go where you are comfortable. In fact, quite the opposite.
I am just fascinated that freedom can "dwell" in a geographic region.
I think that atmosphere needs to be explored and understood.
I think that intentional awareness of atmosphere, and what causes it, is important in the advancement of the Kingdom of God. I believe that atmosphere is collective faith...that the population of an area's collective agreement defines the overall atmosphere of that geographic area. I think that it affects more that just the people too...it affects the whole landscape. Google the Sentinel Group and watch their videos on the effects of revival on the land itself to get an idea of what I am talking about.
Atmosphere is Heaven. Or not.

I believe that this is the true Battle ground. The minds of men. What they believe. But it extends so far beyond theology. Believing the correct thing theologically can still leave a geographic region under the influence of poverty and violence. Greed and exclusion.
Suspicion and prejudice....
I also believe that atmosphere is not static. It is always moving in a direction. Changing for the better, or for the worse... Freeing the minds of people to access the realities of heaven or not.
I believe that mindfulness of these things is crucial for understanding how to invite (not bring or control...an important distinction) changes in atmosphere. We have a terrifying, and yet incredible authority to invite the Spirit of God to have total dominion.

I think the atmosphere of heaven would surprise us.
We are so focused on theology that we miss the basic observational truths that the Spirit of God speaks to our hearts. Paul says that 3 things will always remain... Faith Hope and Love.
I believe that these mindsets govern the very fabric of created reality.
The three cannot be separated from each other with any hope of victory. All three must be rooted in each other for the true expression of a heavenly reality....the foundation being love...a love that is rooted in an understanding of the full redemption of all creation accomplished by the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I see pictures sometimes in my spirit. Places that i think exist in heaven, and that all of heaven longs to see expand to earth. They are vibrant with light and color....with structures that are built of seamless crystal..or something that resembles crystal. Angels move back and forth at incredible speed with joy and incredible depth of purpose and identity. In fact the whole landscape induces identity and purpose...and Love. Love that sees with piercing Faith...and eternal Hope. To stand in this place would immediately draw a crowd of angels that would see to the heart of your identity in Christ. And they would proclaim it over you with power that would bring you to your knees with an overwhelming awareness of the All Consuming Fire of the Fathers Love. You would rise from that place with a fierceness in your eyes that would send the legions of hell into a fearful fury the likes of which you have never seen...and you would laugh with unstoppable purpose and gratitude...resolute to live out what you had seen.
This is the atmosphere of heaven. FAITH HOPE and LOVE. An All Consuming Fire that burns away anything that is not rooted in these three things...and lives out the Dream of Heaven.

This makes me want to see things differently. i want to walk through a neighborhood with new eyes. I want to see the sidewalks paved in emeralds with the names of those who have gone before. Their hopes and dreams passed on to us. Not with a sense of obligation, but with a hope that makes you want to shout so loud that all the people at the Starbucks next to you think "ok what was that????"
I want to see things differently.
I believe that dreams are the substance of heaven. In their realization you receive a personal mile marker of the Fathers intensely focused, and overwhelmingly personal Love for just you.
I think that the resulting desire is to pour out what you have been given...what you have seen.
God is not the God of obligation but of selfless generosity. He does not ask something of you that He has not first given. But that is just it...He asks. He gives Freedom.

Freedom. Freedom to change the atmosphere of this earth into the atmosphere of heaven. Which is our eternal reality.

I should end here, but I want to just offer some thoughts.
Music, Art, Creativity, Business that gives, and creates opportunity that is free, and empowers people to go and do the same, reflects heaven.
If poverty is holy then we should pray for God to be delivered. Prosperity reflects heaven.
(Its hard not to qualify this statement. There is so much misunderstanding around it. Ill just say that money is not the focus here. Mother Theresa is a good example. She lived without much money, but there was no poverty in her.) Poverty is the realm of lack, and there is no poverty in heaven. There is only instant and complete provision. That provision might require faith to usher into the material realm (actually it definitely will), but that's what faith is...the evidence of things unseen, and yet clearly seen.

For my part, I think Public Art that conveys truth is a powerful thing.I also think the Monestary on the Hill of Slane in Ireland bears some study...
A place where people could come to explore ideas...art, government, revolutionary ideas that would redefine culture...Freedom. Truth. The eternal economy of selfless generosity...
This is the coming destiny of the Church of Jesus Christ.

Speaking of the Dreams of Heaven...

2009-08-04T03:58:00.001-07:00

True Authority

2009-07-29T09:23:00.001-07:00

I have a 13 year old friend named Devon who i think is amazing.
Its more than her incredible artistic ability, or her amazing sense of humor and comedic timing that make me think so. She is such an example to me of real faith and love...unbridled enthusiasm, and no fear of asking for what she hopes for...what she wants.
She is also an example to me of true authority.
Yep.
You see I am coming to believe some things about authority...what it is and what it isn't.
I think that most of us have seen so few examples of what true authority is, that some of us ( myself included) feel mixed emotions when we hear the word.
I think that the majority have a picture of authority as being a person who who has the power to punish if their desires aren't followed. While this may be true, I think that the use of that power as it is commonly practiced is in fact false authority.
Devon introduced me to a movie called "Dan in Real Life". Aside from being just generally a great movie, there was a line in it that has stuck out for me. It was delivered to Dan, who was consequently misusing his authority, by a 13 year old boy. The line was "Love is not an emotion, it is an ability."
What an interesting thought. Love is an ability. An ability to see something in a certain way. An ability to let your faith, and hope come in line behind reality seen through the eyes of Love. It calls the things that "aren't" as though they are. And in doing so opens the door for them to become very real.

I was talking to a friend today named Elizabeth who I have never met in person. I met her in Secondlife where we talked about God, life and love, purple unicorns, talking flowers, and vampire fashion. That expanded to many hours of text exchanged on a variety of subjects...Art, Design, Food, travel, small animals, the hilarity and inspiration of Japanese culture, and the effect of real unconditional love.
She has a way of summarizing powerfully...which I think is a reflection of her authority.
She has been going though a trying time as of late, and today we talked about what those situations might be saying. In the course of our conversation, she shared a quote from Thomas Merton with me...

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

That sits powerfully with me.
It also challenges some things in me. Things that I have believed about God.

because those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

I wonder why I tend to view this through a lens of rejection. I have even heard it preached that way...twisting the meaning of "When God looks at you He sees His Son." That may be true, but I think I have taken it to mean that God doesn't like me the way I am. That conforming me to the image of His son means that He always is looking at me with eyes that say "you need to change son, and if it weren't for Jesus I would probably smoke you right now."
What if the image of His son that is being talked about is the one that knows just how radically he is loved. That the verses following that are in fact my reality...

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord

.

I don't know. I just feel like the Holy Spirit is moving in the earth right now revealing the nature of God and the nature of true authority.
Ive seen many examples of false authority this week, and I am thoughtful of what its affects were, and how it made those around it feel. Also how unempowered it renders people when they fall under it. It seems to undermine the very nature of integrity in those being subjected to it.
It tells it self that it must have control because those "under it" will walk off into all sorts of error without a heavy hand that governs through fear and threat of punishment. It also seems very fond of hierarchical structure.

I really believe that true authority is directly related to the ability to love.
God is Authority. God is Love.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love isn't envious of other success or ability.
Love does not brag,or need to establish its dominance through a review of its accomplishments.
Love is not puffed up...it doesn't find its source of strength through pride and viewing others as beneath it.
Love is not rude. It tells you the truth with your best interest and cares how you take it.
Love it is not self-serving.
Love is not easily angered or resentful. It doesn't use fault finding as a reason not to trust you to stay safe and in control, but views trust as an opportunity.
Love is not glad about injustice,because it does not need to be in control.but rejoices in the truth. Truth found in how Jesus treated people...because He is the truth. A living example of the truth of who God is.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I heard a man named Don Crumb read this placing God where Love would be. Because Love is where God is. The same could be said of Authority. Because true authority lifts up. Releases the beauty and ability inside of people...it doesn't fearfully manage or control it.
Releases it.
This kind of Love doesnt empower prejudice,slavery or oppression. Doesnt create heirarchical structures or theologies to oppress people.

I'm not sure what to do with all of this yet, but I am beginning to have alot of things Ive been taught about God challenged. I am beginning to believe that God changes through Love. Not through control. Not through reminding you of your failure. Not in keeping you powerless...but by looking at you directly in the eye and saying "I BELIEVE IN YOU. I LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND YOU ARE WORTH IT" No strings, no manipulations, no threats. I don't know about you, but that gives me power. Power to love as I have been loved.
I want to look into eyes like that and be changed.

OT - our town. One of the coolest documentaries ive seen in a long time.

2009-06-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Time for a reboot.

2009-06-15T19:21:00.001-07:00

About six months ago, I had a very strange encounter with the Lord.
Without going into too much detail, Ill just say that I was shown a picture of an operating system.
The structure of the operating system was a close proximity to the basic structure of most Linux operating systems ( I would find out later)....with Jesus being the Kernel...the center...the core that doesn't crash. The shell can crash, but the Kernel keeps running. Subsequently, I later found out that the common shell in most Linux operating systems is called the Borne Again shell.
One of the main impressions I received in this encounter was that the Lord wanted me to understand that trying to add things onto the Kernel doesn't work. The connotation was a religious spirit....and that we need to come back to the simplicity of what it means to be loved and accepted by what Jesus has done...really enjoying being ourselves...accepted. That the various programs that we add onto the shell (our life) need to be viewed as just that...add ons. The most important thing is the Kernel... and the pure understanding that we are forever accepted in Jesus... even if I never do another interesting thing for the rest of my life.
Of course an Operating System that only has a Kernel and a shell is rather hard to use....but if that basic relationship is compromised, the result will be a highly unstable system that is not reliable or usable for any length of time. The analogies just keep going...
It was out of this event, that I became fascinated with Open Source software and philosophy.
For those of you who are not familiar with the philosophy behind the various little free applications that you can find on the internet, its history and relative application to the Kingdom are pretty amazing.The basic philosophy can be summarized as " When the source code of software is left open (viewable, modifiable and re-publishable), the resulting innovation is greater because it will come from the involvement of the many rather than the few." If there is a truth that the Church really could do well to listen to in this time it is this one.
This idea has been marinating in my head for a while now, but I have not known really what to do with it.
This weekend I was listening to Bethel Church in Redding's weekly podcast. Kris Vallotton was talking about a dream in which the Lord showed him how religion corrupts everything, and that in the coming time God is going to change our operating system to something that can contain what He wants to impart...a depth of Glory that has not been seen in the earth before now. Can you say wow?
Tonight I was having my rather normal end of week conversation with my Dad (which I love).
He told me that he was at the church preparing the sound system for worship on Sunday. As he was going about his business, he suddenly had the feeling that something was wrong...
He realized that the house sound was not working...but only the stage monitors. So as he stood in the back by the sound system, He had the thought "The core of the system is a computer and needs to be rebooted". He was excited for having a technical breakthrough, but after what I have been thinking about and listening to this weekend, the symbolism was pretty pointed to me. The core of the system in the Church needs to be rebooted....because when the output is only coming from the speakers on the stage and not the rest of the house, there is a whole dimension that is not being experienced.
Point taken and reinforced.
I am really amazed at Jesus. I am amazed and thankful to be living in this time. And I am really looking forward to seeing what He is about to do...

All those who have gone before...

2009-05-31T16:41:00.001-07:00

A friend gave me a copy of Jeremy Riddle's "Full Attention" last night.
On my way home I put it in the CD player and settled in for the drive home.
At some point, I found myself in a place I have not been in far to long...
in the company of those who have gone before...and those who stand before the throne...staring at the wonder of the one who is seated on the throne.
The one who has all power and authority and glory and strength in the universe, and is yet still the most humble kind and beautiful person of all.
I am in wonder of who He chooses to be. I was caught up in the title track...
and the prayer "Let you and all you are have my full attention"

This morning, I am listening again...and overwhelmed by who He is.
I can see the person Jesus was. The surrendered person...the beautiful kind and loving one...the perfect one of heaven, the beloved one of all heaven,
walking in trust and humility, and love. Truly the mystery of the universe in human form.
I can see Him.
I can see the price He paid. What He gave away...believing that He was the first of many to come after Him because of what He had chosen. It is at this moment no wonder to me that He could endure the cross...as weird as that sounds. The vision that He had seen...of a loving Father, surrounded by the redeemed of the world lost in worship...in an eternal community of selfless gratitude and love...knowing and believing that He could open the door for that by giving all away...i think that that He could have and would have endured 10 crosses for a chance at what He had seen.
Everything He did...coming from a place of surrender, and commited vision...risking it all for a dream.
When He said, "greater things that these will you do" i can imagine the pounding of His heart...the consuming excitement at what He knew would come afterward. So He set His face like flint...with Joy...and moment by moment submission to living a life of hope in something He could see in the distance, and something that pounded in His heart stronger than any fear that would ever try to capture His vision.

And so listening to this gift of worship in digital form, I am watching the realtime updates of friends and family...the saints of the earth...in 140 charachters or less and I am amazed...at the one who is seated on the throne...filled with Love and beauty...and the ones who came before surrounding the throne watching the glorious unfolding of an eternal mystery...the story of the ages...the redemption of mankind, the revealing of the Heart of God, and the Glorious eternal asension of the one who is on the throne.

One of the songs caught my attention...
I found out the lyrics were written sometime in the late 1700's by a man who struggled with doubts and fears to the point of suicide attepts.
After being prevented supernaturally he penned these words...

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up His bright designs

And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan His work in vain;

God is His own interpreter,

And He will make it plain.

William Cowper 1774

--------

We are a part of eternity.

An eternal treasure.

I would dare to venture that if William were to talk to us now, he would say... or even shout...

"His Providence is not frowning as I once supposed. Rather, It beams with the infinite Joy of an eternal hope...that Romans 8:28 is the very substance of the universe...that you are Living examples of Proverbs 4:18...that Ephesians 2 echos eternally through the ages...fear nothing Sons and Daughters of the Glorious One follow the Lord of Glory and Believe."

If there is anyone reading this, I would say...be amazed.
Be amazed at what you are a part of.
Be amazed at the one who loves you.
Be amazed that you are a part of an eternal story...
Be amazed that you are in no way inferior...to any thing you see on this earth. You are THE BELOVED OF GOD. The Sons and Daughters of the King.

A battle won.

2009-03-29T22:58:00.001-07:00

Ive found it difficult to write as of late. There has been an underlying feeling of pontlessness, impatience,and a need to hurry, even though there is not a specific destination...just a "need" to hurry up and get there.
A couple of conclusions along those lines:
It is in the routine activities while still hoping for a higher destination that love, hope, and the growth of the heart can occur. It is by no means the only place that it occurs, as anywhere that the Lord Jesus walks is where life blooms...and I will, with Gods grace not fall for the "this is how growth happens" box. Some people who I admire have observed that whenever you become sure of a method, the method changes...as God is faithful to remind is that He is a person and not a principle. So I will say that in this season I think that I need to remember that in the simplicity of completing a task, I will find the mystery of the eternal hidden in a plain paper wrapper.
There is so much more that I want to write, but somehow, this is all im free to give.

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Ole' Ole' Yaweh

2009-02-17T01:12:00.000-08:00

Amen

Keep your focus!!

2009-01-31T15:16:00.001-08:00

Im not seeing so straight today....
Alot of distraction.
The openings seem to be increasing...the opportunities.
I think sometimes that when you are kept in a hard place for a long time, and that wall is removed, you stumble out and look around...and if you were focusing in the dark time, often times you will shield your eyes trying to make out actual figures in the light. The open road can seem overwhelming....and you can find yourself sitting in front of the cell door...wondering what to do next.
I wonder sometimes if one of the enemies tactics is to stop resisting you....and start distracting you. Im pretty sure of it actually. When your faith has grown in quality, and you start to move past the doubt...and out into the light, he cant stop you...but he can distract you...try to overwhelm you with options...try to mimic the voice of faith and guidance... so your momentum is disipated with doubt and second guessing.
Thats the thing about confidence and faith that can be a little concerning...
You might be wrong. I mean what if your wrong. You want so bad to get it right.
What if you...what if the...
Or..you can fall down looking at the possibilitites.
Be like a grasping kid crying in the shopping cart or be like the quiet composed child who says....that one daddy and recieves.
Im ready to recieve. To give Dad a field for fruit growing.
I might be wrong. Thats the hard part. But His love isnt based on performance anyway. So...

Be Careful for nothing. But in Everything,by prayer and supplication, whith thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God....and the Peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
My God shall supply all of your needs...according to His riches in Glory. The Grace of Jesus be with you...

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Unchanging love.

2009-01-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

God hates religion.
You know why? Cause Hes a lover.
Ive wondered, I think, what religion really is...
But this morning i think its just pretense.

I think it really is that simple....does your wife love you more when you wear a certain pair of boxers?

She might like how you look in them...or taking them off(we can hope), but she wont love you more because of cloth on your skin...right?

You can tell her you love her every morning the same way with the same tone in the same suit..
and it wont be religion. ..if you mean it....and you still see that sparkle in her eye and wonder why God was...i mean what did you to to deserve...."

Its the same with our Lover.

Please understand...I struggle with this. I don't always see him as he is. I think all sorts of things...and question a whole lot more....
But on my better days, which are the days filled with an awareness of what a crazy, all powerful, laughing, loving, gentle, visionary, faithfilled, unstoppable, King on the Throne HE is, I revel in what feels like a waterfall of peace that surpasses understanding...and I cant stop loving who He is.

That's when I stop short of speaking that harsh words.
Decide not to club a baby seal,or watch porn as a source of escape from an unloving world...
Because I remeber He loves me.....and its a fresh on my clothes like perfume...and wafts up into my nose at the most...interesting times.

The morning of my birthday, I saw myself. For the first time in my life. I really saw myself.
An amazing thing happened. I loved myself. Even liked myself. I could see some crinkles around the eyes of some old demons...but I saw laughter... and wit...and wisdom. And power.
Power to understand and affect. Power to overcome.
I never knew. I mean i never really knew. How much He loved me. What He sees in me.
But I want to be around it more. Him more. Cause if thats who He believes I am, then damn...
Im going to go with it... Who am I to argue. Hes the God. Im the man.

I hate religion. I hate that I think I need to do or be something different in order to make Him happy. He is happy. And He does love me.
And so should you:)

Clear Sky Morning

2009-01-26T10:55:00.001-08:00

I woke up today and things were new.....different somehow.
I wonder at God. Watching Him over the years...He is such a beautiful mystery to me.
He never stops.
HE is as constant as.....Himself. There is no one like Him. But today that means something different.

You know that person...who is full of excitement...insight...vision...enthusiasm...
the one who some people laugh at...shake their head at....some who are in the depths of their own broody self realization even overlook....
But when they pass by...everyone is left with a lasting impression...and if they are paying attention, everyone is a little happier....

That person who sits in the computer room while the computers owner is away and removes all of the damaging stuff, reworks the harddrive, updates all the software...cleans up the RAM.
Just to serve someone who will probably miss the depths of what has been done.

God is like that for me. Full of Joy. Enthusiasm. Excitement for the future. It doesnt mean He doesn't have things that He is deeply wants to change, but He faces the future with Joy, because He is the future....and He has secured it for all of us...anyone who will call on Him...
Talk about making yourself available.

He has walked all of us through things in the last couple of weeks... a redefinition. Reminding.
We have had moments of what could be considered loss, hope clarity, confusion, but if you look closely, you might see that what you thought was you just being to tired to care anymore was God moving on your heart....to begin to let go.
You see He is not afraid.
And He never despairs.
HE can take things very seriously, but He always sees the way. The truth The Life....because it comes from inside of Him.

We don't always see it.
That all of heaven watches Him amazed.
The most Loving, Joyful, Insightful, interesting, knowledgeable, socially graceful, engaging person is Our God. HE used hand gestures. He expresses Himself with joy laughter. creativity and song.

This week, Marvel. Rest.
DO the things He showed you. Make the soap. Write the songs. Build the computer.
BUt marvel. And wonder....at how someone so marvelous could be God.
And let your outside fade away in wonder. And neglect the shoulds just to be with Him.

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I will not forsake.

2009-01-17T00:32:00.000-08:00

In April of last year I had a series of experiences that I would classify as prophetic. I have not shared them much, partially because I didn't fully understand them, and partially because by the time I did understand them, what they indicated had become very unpopular to the majority of main stream Christianity.

So here are the events in order.

On November 19th of 2006, while driving past the former residence of Abraham Lincoln in Illinois, I saw a cloud hovering above the area that looked like an eagle. I mean ALOT like an eagle. It looked enough like an eagle to make me wonder if there was a spiritual meaning to it. The following day, I heard on the radio that it was the anniversary of the Gettysburg address (where it is reported that the previously unbelieving Abraham Lincoln had a conversion experience.) In the Gettysburg address Mr. Lincoln delivered a very moving speech that he had written on a napkin in about 15 minutes, and addressed, among other things, the division present within the nation.

About a week later while driving early in the morning, I began to have sort of a waking internal vision. I saw waves of light rising up into the heavens corresponding to timezones...one after the other. The waves of light were worship and love rising from the people of God in the earth. I saw the Lord entering the throne room of the Father and the son was radiating love for the Father and the look in His eyes said..."Listen to them! These are the ones I redeemed from the earth for You. Receive their love. You deserve it." The Father loved the Son beyond measure. And there was a gratitude and adoration coming from the Father toward the Son and I knew that the Son could ask ANYTHING of the Father and He would grant it. The Spirit was pouring out the Love of God into the people all over the earth, and revealing the beauty of the Son. This Love was pouring upward in the waves of light coming off of the earth. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The circle of love...ever increasing and expanding in expression and understanding for eternity.
Then things really took an unexpected turn. For me anyway. In the throne room there is such an atmosphere of love rising, and the Father seemed to be wanting to bless the earth. So He was including everyone in the giant room in sort of an inquiry. Alot of the communication seemed to be unspoken....like what happens when you are in the presence of people that all really love, enjoy, and trust each other but much much deeper. He turned His attention toward America. I recalled at that moment that when I had seen that cloud in Illinois, I had been thinking about Abraham the Patriarch.(I didn't even catch that until right now....Abraham/Abraham Lincoln). I was thinking that if God was willing to spare Sodom for 10 righteous people, then I choose to believe that He will not destroy America....and that whatever is happening now is actually from the enemy.

Here is where it got...really unusual....for me anyway. I guess I just didn't expect God to address this kind of thing...
So The Father says, " I am tired of the Democratic Party being dominated by people, thoughts, and ideas that aren't from Me. I want to change this." The "I want to" was interesting to me because there was an openness to it...like He was inviting collaboration and input from the people around Him. This was amazing to me.
So I emerged from this really powerful experience amazed at God, wanting to see more of heaven, and convinced that God was going to bring some changes to the Democratic party.

So I shared the experience of heavenly worship with my Dad who is a worship leader at a local church, but I did not share the other parts. I carried it around, for about 2 years. I kept thinking about it during the elections, not sure what to make of it. It wasn't until the night of Obama's acceptance speech that the whole thing began to come together in my head...

Here is where it gets difficult for some people. They expect God to deal with things a certain way. If God is against abortion, why would God put a man in office who is largely pro-choice? He wouldn't right? And the guy is lax on Homosexuality right? This CANT BE GOD. He's a "Liberal Democrat" and we all know Liberal Democrats aren't from God.... Right? We conclude that this is "of man" and that our Country is not far away from judgement, and its quite possible that this man is the anti-Christ.

Really People?

Right before the acceptance speech came on, I came across a video of Lance Wallnau talking about Abraham Lincoln. He discussed the fact that Abraham Lincoln was not favored by the Christians of the day because he was not a believer...until Gettysburg. Are you getting this? He also mentioned Winston Churchill who was not favored by the Evangelicals of the day because he wasn't a believer.

So when Barack Obama made his acceptance speech, and in it referred to Abraham Lincoln addressing a divided nation in a time of difficulty, I was amazed.
I began to believe that God is in control... That God is not surprised...that God is not disappointed. God has a future. And He is unfolding it in His way and in His wisdom.

Am I saying you should forget what you believe? No. I am saying that you might consider that God is bigger that you might think. And that its possible that rather than being convinced that we are at the edge of doom, and finding scriptures to support it, you might remember that Peter's suggestion to pray for, and encourage those in leadership was under the rule of Nero.

Truthfully I am excited to see what God does through this man. But I am even more excited to see Him continue to prepare the Kingdoms of this world for their True King.

Risk

2009-01-16T17:43:00.001-08:00

Today, get up off of your butt, and go outside.
Go with no agenda but this:

Find someone to be kind to.
Meaningfully Kind.

Take a new found friend, and buy a cup of coffee for that man who you see walking down the street with that dirt stained blanket on his shoulders. You might find that there is more in him of value that you ever imagined.

Remember this...the way to an abundant life is not in hoarding, suspicion, judgement and fear, but in risk taking...in seeing the good in others and giving liberally to that. Do the math...its the only way to change a person, a group, a town, a country.

Proverbs 11:11 says "by the blessing of the righteous a city is upheld, but the mouth of the wicked tears it down."

Take a risk.

Faith without Works

2009-01-09T22:36:00.001-08:00

I had a reminder tonight while thinking about the future.
I read a story about Leon McLaughlin... which is just beginning.
You can read the full story here.

I am reminded how self centered I can be in my search for what I think my life should be. I like being reminded of the truth.

Arriving

2009-01-07T21:48:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here watching Graham Cooke speak on video and the thought occurs to me that there is a good chance that I think wrong.

The thought is..."Ill get there someday."
Someday I will get to a point spiritually that will qualify me to be "used" by God.
Someday I will get to a point where my life will "produce fruit"

Producing fruit and being used are not bad things, but they are a wrong focus.
I was redeemed not to be used, I was redeemed to be loved.
I was redeemed to be loved. To be restored to God.
No external manipulation will ever change a man to be more like God.
The only thing that will be more like Him is spending time with Him.

Ill be honest. I don't know the Holy Spirit that well. I know when HE shows up, and Ive felt Him leave. But as far as what turns Him on...what HE laughs about...what HE longs for....what His dreams are. I want more than anything to know that.

Ive become totally focused on externals and what I want. Even if what I want seems to be supported by biblical truth, it can be the most destructive pursuit if I have left the fertile oasis of getting lost in God....starting from where I am without preconceptions of "what I want" and "how it should look".

So have poker night with God. Go see a movie with Him and ask Him to show you what He sees. A friend of mine used to say "Aaron, coffee is worship." Enjoy the taste of coffee in the morning and let your enjoyment be gratitude. Or if you love locking yourself in a room with the smell of old paper and ink...sit in the silence and be with the One who loves you. IF your facing and uncertain future where what you thought was supposed to happen doesn't, then follow the winds of the Spirit....and stop being afraid.

Save and Restore

2009-01-04T15:49:00.000-08:00

Does this statement bother you?
"God was not able to save them from their own greed."
How does the mind of Christ in you identify with that?

I am talking about a nation.
A people who name God on their money. A people who have had more prosperity and freedom than any other nation in history.
And I'm disappointed.

Not however with what you might think.

I am disappointed with the pointing of the finger....
with the gathering crowd of people ... around a wounded woman standing on Ellis Island with stones in their hands and malice in their eyes....and crosses around their necks.

Have we forgotten Abraham?
Have we forgotten what one man in covenant can do?
What lengths God is willing to go to for His friends?

Have we forgotten the blood of the cross?
Have we become so faithless....so impatient that we in the Church proclaim curses over the land of the free because deep in our hearts we think that there should be an end to grace and blessing...grace must have its limit right? I mean it has to.

I heard someone say...."God is disappointed in America"
Really?
I will say that if God is disappointed in anything it is is the lack of love in us.
The lack of vision.
The lack of faith in what He promised.

WHENEVER.....two or more are gathered....IN MY NAME....There I am.
WHATSOEVER you bind on earth will be bound in heaven.
WHATSOEVER you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven...(does that scare you?)

DO we even believe this? Or have we become so embittered...so pew warming....so unempowered by religion, that we don't believe anymore?

I have a secret for you.

The God of the universe adores you.
You are His greatest victory.
HE redeemed you from the grave. Redeemed you from death. Redeemed you from sickness.
Redeemed you from all governance that is not of the Kingdom....
You are living examples of His grace.

Forgiven so you can forgive.

And we have been given AUTHORITY.

All of the witches in the world united at once do not have the authority of one man or woman standing free in the blood of Jesus. Do you get that? And when two or more are gathered together...you have a universal majority.

So what do you think happens when preachers say...God will judge America....
and the people say AMEN?

I will say this and mean it.....

If America falls....it will not be because of greed...or selfishness...or decadence.
It will be because...

Pro 11:11 By the blessing of the upright is a city upheld, but it is thrown down by the mouth of the wicked.

Mat 18:18 Truly I say to you, Whatever you bind on the earth will be, having been bound in Heaven. And whatever you loose on the earth will be, having been loosed in Heaven.
Mat 18:19 Again I say to you, If two of you agree on earth as to anything, whatever they shall ask, it shall be to them from My Father in Heaven.
Mat 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am in their midst.

Ill just be honest. I don't think we believe in grace.
We don't have an amazing grace in our hearts.
We want grace to extend only so far because it helps our sense of fairness.
But really, that comes from the knowledge of good and evil.
That comes from a heart that wants to prove how good it is.
Ill show you God. I'm good now.

If that is all grace is then I reject it. If all grace is is another chance, then I am disappointed.

I think we need to know that grace is not God saying "well, you really screwed up, buuuuuut, ill let you off the hook this time, but when I get home, I'm going to strap my only son to a whipping post, beat the crap out of him, then kill him slow."

THAT IS NOT GRACE.

Grace is amazing.
Grace makes you fall down weeping....then jump up screaming.
Grace looks more like winning the lottery on the day of your eviction.
Grace is the most transforming power in the universe.
Grace takes the area when the enemy thinks he has gained condemnation and makes it a signature strength.

The only thing that can TRULY save a man.

And a Nation.

I want to see America restored...with a new gratitude in her heart. More aware of what we have been given... and being what the enemy fears the most.....a blessing. Amazed and made amazing by amazing Grace.

2Sa 10:12 Be strong, and let us be strong for our people, and for the cities of our God. And may Jehovah do that which seems good in His eyes.

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Making up for lost time

2009-01-03T02:11:00.000-08:00

Monkey traps scare me.
Go ahead laugh.
What kind of a fool would get caught in a monkey trap?
Just let go of the banana.
But what if you love banana's?
What if you've had people tell you all your life.....
"Someday...Gods going to give you a banana."
And it seemed to you like God was just raining down banana's everywhere but in your vicinity?
What do you do when you've been holding on through this wrist sized hole for so long believing that some day soon God might let you have the banana?...
when you think that letting go of the banana constitutes a lack of faith on your part?
How do you let go of the banana and walk away...
Especially when the pathways leading away from the monkey trap look darker and more miserable that that little view in your mind of that day the banana slipped through that hole?
How do you face the truth that letting that thing drop is what you might have to do.
How do you look God in the face when it was Him who let you sit in the dust gripping a non-existent banana for so many years?
How do you let go of that hope that you were almost there......again.
I guess you just do.
Gods love is strange to me some times.
I want Him to tell me to get the @#$% away from the damn banana.
Maybe He does and we don't listen. We have something to prove.
We will show Him that as everything falls around us, we will still hold on to the banana and we are faithful.
But I'm thinking that really, His hand is what we...I...should be gripping.
Cause the banana wont save me.

You will never read the word banana this many times in a paragraph again, but next time you eat one, remember that a life of surrender and trust is fruitful. And be thankful.

A Kingdom That Knows No End

2008-12-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

I feel a new wind blowing.
Its the same wind that blew in the treetops when David named a place Ba'al Perazim.
The God to whom Breakthrough belongs.
I see a new trend starting.
Starting behind closed doors.
People begining to deal with disappointment. To find again that which is the source.
The secret place of the Most High.
I see new vision in peoples eyes.
The restoration of what was lost without seeing it....
a secret knowledge of who they call Lord.
I see a generational increase that is not bound to age but to mindset.
I see a Kingdom that knows no end.
BUt is still growing in the hearts and minds of People that have felt the breeze in the secret place. Have heard the singing of true love in the silence.
Get alone with Him. He has secrets to tell you.

Remebering

2008-09-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

1 I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.

2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.

4 Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

5 I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

6 I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

7 Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

8 Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?

9 Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

10 And I said, This is my infirmity: but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High.

11 I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

13 Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God?

14 Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.

15 Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah.

16 The waters saw thee, O God, the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled.

17 The clouds poured out water: the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad.

18 The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook.

19 Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known.

20 Thou leddest thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

When we get overwhelmed, and all hope seems lost, it seems backward to begin to remember the good...but really its the only thing that can save your life.
WHen David was surrounded by his own people, and they were ready to stone him, it says that David strengthed himself in his God.
When you are facing certain destruction, and all hope is lost, remember the charachter of your God...and take hope. Think of it like this...would you rather go down with a bad attitude?...or would you rather find that your crazy hope that feels like denial actually comes to pass?

Separating Church and State.

2008-05-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to the Danbury Baptists dated January 1, 1802, wrote: "...I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."

How is it that we have come to accept that the separation of Church and State is a mandate for the secularism of American Government? Why do we believe that the sentiment that is not written into the constitution implies that the Government should be ruled by those of an atheistic persuasion? This is absurd. It is no less than propaganda... An attempt by those with an atheistic agenda to mandate their religious beliefs as law, thus nullifying the very sentiment that they use as the foundation of their argument.

This is the hinge pin of the atheistic agenda. Organizations like the Freedom from Religion Foundation would attempt to deceive the American public into thinking that any and all values that originate in a world view that places a Deity at the center, are somehow disqualified from governance. This is nothing less that forcing a world view down the throats of the public, and should be dismissed out of hand. The separation of church and state which again is not in the constitution, was never intended to mandate an atheistic state. This should be quite obvious to anyone with basic reasoning skills, as the assertion violates its own base argument which implies that the individual citizen should not have their beliefs mandated by the state.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

This is the constitutional description from where we derive the separation of church and state. Does this look to you like a mandate to secularize government?

Confidence

2008-05-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

Bethel Church

2008-05-02T21:37:00.001-07:00

Warrior Priest

2008-05-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

I will give you an uncompromising spirit.
Like my own.
You have had this, and it has been misused...
misunderstood.

You have been called rebel
jerk.
other things.
You have a forehead of bronze..
You have conceded to please others...for the sake of peace.
.

No longer...
ask of Me ....
I will grant you wisdom
I will give you the secret place of my Spirit...
I know you.
I know you can laugh
I know you can concede..
I know you can forgive.
Now i want you to fight.
I want to see you stand...
this will give ME more pleasure that you can possibly imagine..
I have waited for this moment my Son....
Stand.
I am with you.

Lazarus Listened

2008-05-02T00:13:00.000-07:00

At what point is enough enough?
When you find yourself in a place that you never thought you would be.
When you look back over the terrain of your life, and you find that what you have in your hands is not what you expected.
not what you believed.
Not what you were promised.
Standing on the barren landscape of broken dreams you have two choices.
Denial, or Change.
i choose change.
I choose to believe that I can start over.
I choose to believe that I can learn how to live again.
I choose to believe that I can REALLY let go of what has passed, and find a new way of living.
A place where i...
hear and believe...
hear and obey...
learn how to love and be loved in return.
A place where the habits of my life and the default settings of my mind are changed into something that reflects who i belong to....and begins to produce the fruit of that.
So here it is for all to see.
Lets see what God does.